Monday, September 10, 2007

My Head Understands Humility But There's Something In Me That Demands Control
I'm processing through my deep interior's response to all this cancer stuff for me. There is a level (not high) of anxiety and a twinge of sadness (not depression). Here's my take on it. The reaction is not coming to the reality of my immortality. I've dealt with the head and the heart issue of that over 20 years ago. What my head understands but my heart is still trying to settle is coming to grips with my invincibility. Yah, yah, I know I'm not the same man I was 20 years ago. Gravity has a great way of reminding me of that every morning in the mirror. Instead, the cancer is an invisible wound, like a missing limb, reminding me of how out of control I really am and how much I need to totally trust and rely on God for my daily bread. Food prayers are a great time for me to be reminded of how dependent we are on God for the gift of graciousness as well as grace. The head understands all this. The heart is still fighting with accepting the truth. Man, how much the carnal in us all wants control in spite of what we know to be right and true.

No comments: